Early start, again, we have 2 full days in Hong Kong and a lot to cram in. We have a two day itinerary planned but have the clever idea to squeeze the most out of one day and do the lot.

GO! 10,000 Buddhas monastery, first on the list. A few stops up the tube line and we arrive at Sha Tin, according to the guide book it’s a 15 minute walk from there following the “clearly signposted” route. If it was “clearly signposted” then it would take 2 minutes to reach, but as the sign is tucked away behind a building away from the main road, it does then take 15 minutes to find.

Once we reached the starting point we realise how high and far away it actually is to the top. 10,000 Buddhas is a monastery containing well over 10,000 Buddhas, there are hundreds of life size ones on the walk up and about 12,000 in and around the temples at the top of all sizes. The monastery sits on top of a vast hill and from the bottom looks like a dot. The walk up is not too hard but not easy on the ol’ knees. We were there before anyone else, again (are we winners, or just plain losers). There was an almost bald, malnourished dog at the top, I knew there’d be dogs as there was plenty of evidence on the way up. If you saw him you’d want to feed him and tell him everything’s gonna be alright little fella.

NEXT! GO! GO! A different island – Lantau Island. A few tubes away followed by a long winding bus journey up a mountain. There was a cable car ride to the top but I thought this would be just as much fun. At the top there is a 200 tonne bronze Buddha statue atop a platform up yet more steps. There is also a vegetarian restaurant that serves a generous size meal with many bowls and plates of nice food. No meat or alcohol is allowed within the vicinity yet there were a pair of American lads thinking they were ace, whooping (as usual) and taking photos of each other drinking cans of lager in the temple, I bet they’re still high fiving about it now. We get the scenic cable car ride down.

That should have been our day done and dusted but choose to soldier on and go to Victoria Peak via the Peak Tram. The Peak Tram is a British tram that has something to do with royalty and has been on the go for years, I don’t know facts and figures that’s just sad and you would probably skip it anyway. The main attraction is the view from the top overlooking the city, but to be honest we aren’t really too blown away by things like that, high rise buildings aren’t that wonderful no matter where you’re stood. Give us a mountain or canyon or rice fields any day. The tram back down goes backwards and is quite steep, if you plan on taking this trip lose your manners and be rude to make sure you get a seat.

Tonight we are back in time for the Symphony of Lights show, best seen from the Avenue of Stars. This is strip of walkway with stars embedded in the ground (similar to that in Hollywood). The avenue overlooks the water between Kowloon and HK Island, the light show is a series of lights, lasers and music, many buildings light up and shoot out lights, lasers etc. into the sky.

Then we went for some uncooked Chinese chicken served with a slap in the face. I am starting to realise that the Chinese maybe aren’t as rude as I had thought but it is just their no-nonsense charm and maybe we are at fault as we are constantly dishing out insincere thank you’s, pleases, sorry’s, when it’s not always necessary. But that’s just how we are I suppose.

After collecting our luggage at Hong Kong airport we look for the bus terminals as we read that its HK$33 (about£3.30) to catch a bus to Kowloon. There are desks everywhere and each with a lady shouting at you to buy from her, none were relevant to us. We were checking out a map and a guy in airport colours approaches and says he can help, he shows us to the train ticket machine and its HK$180 (£18) each followed by a taxi ride, we said we wanted the bus, he said that’s HK$150 (£15) each and takes 2 hours. He recommended a taxi would be HK$350 (£35) and take 25 minutes, so we followed him and kept questioning him about the bus, insisting we had read it somewhere. Then we noticed him on his phone and it all clicked he started telling us about tours in the lift down to the car park where his mate started to grab our bags to put in the back of his unmarked taxi. Whoa there Neddy! We took the bag back and said no thanks we’ll get the bus and stepped back in the lift. Back in the terminal he popped up again still trying to get us. We walked off again and he showed up again. In the end we shook him off and found the bus terminal, we were right, HK$33. Ha!

Getting a bus should be an ordinary mundane experience but that just doesn’t happen for us. Firstly, after legging it for a bus that stayed still for another 15 minutes, there was an Indian couple that could not get to grips with the fact you needed a ticket first and the bus driver had no change for them. So myself and a few others managed to change their money down to within nearly the right change. He paid. For the next half hour he was walking up and down the bus asking everyone why he had to miss out on some change and if they too thought it was unreasonable. Nobody understood him. Suitcases were rolling around everywhere.

Next. An Arab came running down the stairs with his hands on is head laughing as if to say “you’ll never guess what I’ve gone and done”, he started upturning everyones luggage. Then his buddy came down and was doing the same. By this time we were miles from the airport, I could figure out from heated debates and raised hands that they wanted the driver to turn around and go back for their luggage. After meeting the driver briefly only a short while ago I knew she wouldn’t, she was scary, but at that point I loved her. A minute later she pulled over and they had to get off, I love her more, “you can’t turn back, we’ve come so far” everyone was thinking it.

Back to the disgruntled Indian, he was a short, thin man of middle age and wore Lennon style glasses, he was by now guarding what seemed like Samsonites entire range over the last decade. And he was staring at me. What? I’ll just look out the window for a bit and pretend to whistle. Still staring. Then “Do you speak English?” I reply “yes”,

“Where are you from?”

I reply “England, and you?”

“India, England ruled India, then you ruled Hong Kong, ha ha ha”

I smile, then he says “Why is it they have to put on air-conditioning? It’s a nice temperature outside, I thought they were supposed to be the next super power,” I always attract the weirdo.

“it makes no sense, do you think they are super power?” He’s gone all political on my ass, I look out the window and pretend to whistle.

As the bus stops become more frequent through the city centre the Indian man and his wife get off, he stands off the bus while she struggles to unload their countless massive suitcases, like a gentleman I help (plus, I got rid of them quicker).

Our stop. We jump off and are met by a wall of men trying to get us to their hotels and carry our luggage, telling them you have accommodation already appears to spur them on to try harder.

Backpacks on, we walk. Already we feel warmer than we have for days, and the streets are bustling with activity. We find the hotel and are told Hong Kong is very busy at the minute because of the rugby 7’s tournament. A fellow patron in the lift asks if that’s why we are here, he was very excited about it, we say not.

We take a walk around this manic busy city, and I mean BUSY. In China there appears to be no particular law or rules when it comes to crossing the road, just prey and go for it, but here in HK nobody crosses anywhere but at the designated areas and waits for ages for the little green man.

We go to Temple street night market, it’s a bustling hive of activity selling the usual t-shirts, bracelets, lighters, electrical rip-offs, hand bag rip-offs etc. There are also a few palm readers dotted about.

We ate tea at the market, it was a busy area on a t-junction and there were a lot of locals eating there, always a good sign. Becky is soon full on her lemon chicken (serves her right for eating cakes from stalls along the way, typical) and ate my first frog! It does taste like chicken, maybe a bit nicer. We both liked it, there isn’t a lot of meat on some bits, just spines or bony little feet.

We head back for the Symphony of Lights but have narrowly missed it, never mind we’ll see it the next day.

Last day in Beijing, decided to get up early today as yesterdays lazy lay in only went to prove that you snooze, you lose. We’re not really in to lying in, it seems such a waste. So off we trotted, I hailed a taxi, roadside and tried my best at saying Summer Palace and use the meter in Chinese, he got the gist.

Half an hour and 34 Yuan (about £3.40) later we arrive at the Summer Palace, it’s a grand entrance with lots of locals about dancing. There are groups in the front courtyards (all old, probably a bit mad) one group waltzing, one group doing a variant of line dancing, another balancing balls on bats while swinging about.

The grounds are massive and very impressive with yet many more steps to climb, it’s no wonder the Chinese are a slim race. There is a marble boat in the river to one end, an extravagant, flamboyant folly. The crowds by now have started to multiply, its almost lunchtime too. Aside from the Great Wall, this has been the most impressive thing we have seen in China.

Decided to have a lay in since we still had some sleep to catch up on. Realised we were overspending already so today we would stick to a budget and try to get each meal for about £1 each. Off we went down the backstreets to look for some breakfast. It was here that we found a guy on the corner selling fresh pineapple on a stick for 10p each so we got 2. Next we found an unknown bread with bean sprout thing for 10p so had that as well. On the way to the tube station we saw roasted chestnuts so we got a big bag of those to take with us on our trip.

Arriving at Tian’an Men Square about 12 noon we had expected it to be busy but nothing had prepared us for the absolute hordes of people that were there. It was crazy, we could hardly move. We spotted people coming out of the Mao mausoleum which our guidebook had told us was closed for refurbishment. It must be open though so we went to go in and see the corpse of Chairman Mao but at the gate see the sign saying it closes at 12noon so we are too late! That’s what happens when you get lazy and have a lay in!

We head for the Forbidden City instead, stopping for a few chestnuts along the way and trying to avoid all the people trying to sell us tours, art and toys. Once inside what we think is the Forbidden City we see a courtyard full of more crowds. We go to the ticket booth but they are only selling tickets to walk to the top of this courtyard. We walk for what seems like ages and enter another courtyard which looks much the same as the last one but still we’re not there. This goes on for what seems like miles and just when our feet and backs are aching we arrive at the entrance. Once inside we find ourselves in….guess what? Another courtyard! This one has a few bridges in it but looks pretty much like all the rest. On and on and on we walk, looking at building after building, all with a different name but the same appearance. Bored we race through it all just to get to the back and be in the imperial gardens, these are much more enjoyable and scenic.

Exiting the Forbidden City we decide to go to the park opposite and sit in the sun for a while but when we find out there is an entrance fee to get in there too we give up that idea. We can’t afford all these entrance fees for everything, it’s such a rip off.

We start the long walk back but we’re so tired from all the walking and people keep offering us rickshaw tours around the old Beijing Hutongs, then one guy says he’ll drop us off at our tube station after the tour so we agree, thinking it may be a good laugh. This guy starts out giving us some interesting facts on the walk to his rickshaw but then it turns into more of an exam. He asks how many concubines the emperor had, we guess 1000 but he laughs at us and says NO 3000, as if we are really stupid!!! He asks lots of stuff we can’t answer and makes us feel like idiots. We pass lots of nice shinny new rickshaws then he says here’s ours and it’s a grotty old blue ripped thing. Typical! Sitting in the back of it we feel a little scared since there is nothing to hold on to. Then he rides straight out into the oncoming traffic, arggghhhh! It’s a hair raising ride which lasts for a whole hour! Our cyclist driver puffing and panting the whole time like he was going to drop dead any second.

Up nice and early for a long drive to the Great Wall of China, the section we chose to visit is called Mutianya, a quieter area than some of the more popular ones but redeveloped enough to walk along. The Great Wall is high up on the mountain ridge and the best way up is by either cable car or chairlift, like the ones you get at ski resorts. We accidentally went for the chairlift, we were ushered down a walkway and everyone started shouting at us at once, “put bag on front”, “stand here, no there”, “duck”, “lift feet”, “PUT BAG FRONT LADY”, then woosh, we were scooped up by the chair lift and a bar was flung down as protection. I don’t see what the big rush was we were the only people there. On the way up we were pretty high off the ground, way above tree tops. We both had our hands full of tickets, change, bottles and a bag and we had no real way of holding on, I started to laugh, then we got the hysterics whilst trying to put everything away and not fall out this little contraption. Getting off was fun too as the chairlift is quite fast and never stops unless broken, you just have to put your feet down and out run it. The Wall itself is immense and amazing, especially if you get there early enough as there is hardly anyone else around apart from a few annoying hawkers along the Wall. We walked a long way and it is a hard walk full of very steep inclines, declines, tiny steps, massive steps and trip hazards. On one side of the Wall is Mongolia, we put our hands in Mongolia without visas, naughty eh? We walked for about 1 ½ hours in one direction and the views were outstanding. At first it was freezing cold but sunny then really warm, but not shorts and t-shirt warm. So I recommend taking a jumper and hat in March. Eventually we came to an area where the cable car takes you up and down. We decided we were tired enough of walking and went to get the cable car back down but our return ticket didn’t include the cable car but for an extra fee….No, we’ll show her, we held our heads high, refused to pay any more and walked all the way back to the chairlift. That saved couple of £, think I know who won that one. The crowds were coming in their drones by now. At the foot of the Wall there are numerous stalls selling dried fruit, drinks, t-shirts, souveniers, the usual tack. Snored nearly all the way back to Beijing.

Got back to the hostel and hung out there in the common room for a bit (they sell 600ml bottles of beer for 40p) then got ready to go out for the night. We got an address written down in Chinese and got in a taxi, he couldn’t understand what it meant and asked me, I didn’t have clue so he told us to go away. The next taxi was ok. We had drinks etc. and got a taxi back with the happiest guy in the world. He spoke very good English and we chatted all the way back, he loves English football and his favourite teams are Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea and Argentina(?). He dropped us off near our hutong and as we strolled the backstreets to the hostel a cycle overtook us and came to a sudden stop as a dog stood in front of him growling. The cyclist went slowly round the dog, then we saw it , a little white poodle in a set of red and white Nikes.

We sat in the common room and updated our facebook, checked e-mail etc. and noticed a few other couples sat round on their own laptops or on the pc’s provided, no more having to talk to anyone anymore about travel tales, just log-on and be reclusive, what a lovely age we live in.

After a delightful plane journey through the seventh circle of Hell we had a private transfer driver waiting to pick us up. He took us to our car (a proper wreck) and as we set of he seemed to warm to me. He asked my name which he was very excited about repeating over and over again, I feel bad that I forgot his almost straight away. It became clear that he spoke no English and I no Chinese but that wasn’t going to stop him trying to hold a conversation. He’d say something then as I looked dumbfounded he’d repeat it louder and slower so in the end I decided that I should imitate him, I did, he apparently enjoyed this so we counted to 10 a few times and I had to say a few lines, he was probably making me tell him what a boob I am.

We stopped for petrol (which I also had to say in Chinese a few times before he would get on with it). As he was getting out the car was still rolling forward because he doesn’t use the handbrake ( probably saw it as wasteful) and we sat and laughed for a bit but eventually it came to a halt.

We drove down some frightening streets, how there weren’t injured cyclists all over the road I’ll never know. As we were driving through the hutongs, which seem to translate to me as ‘a road so narrow that pedestrians, cyclists and cars should make as much noise as possible and squeeze down all at once until someone nearly dies‘, we came to our hostel and checked in then she said your room is a few minutes walk from here please put your bags outside on the trailer of the bike. So we had to walk down the road following our bags on the trailer bike while trying to avoid getting run over by all the things causing such hullabaloo. We were scared to see what delights the room would contain, it didn’t contain any, it was ok, basic no frills and cold.

As we’re only in Beijing for 4 days and we like to cram it in we decided not to sleep until that night and just ignore the past 24 hours of being awake and see as much as we could in a daze. Off we headed to the underground station which was “just round the corner” and found the ticket machines and tube maps fairly easy to navigate. Our first visit was the Temple of Heaven, which is large and very red. After paying to enter you can pay a little extra for an auto-guide, which is a headset with one earphone to share. There are several more areas within the grounds and you can enter them for a small extra fee, there seems to be a lot of these small extra fees. Next sight was the markets that sell bugs on sticks, mmm yummy. We went with preconceptions of tasting fried scorpion, locust, cockroach, worms, seahorse and many more, but in reality we took some photos and wimped out.

36 hours and still no sleep- enough, bed time.